Free Time...Stay-at-Home Father Style

Originally posted on 07/20/2011

Free Time...Stay-at-Home Father Style

I am a stay-at-home father. I decided that after my son had a twelve day TICU (Technology-Enhanced Intensive Care Unit) stay in January at the local Atlanta children's hospital that my talents were needed more at home than in my career of teaching. My son was sidelined with a very serious case of Pneumonia and RSV. When my son gets sick, it's always respiratory and it's always Pneumonia and something else. My son has contracted Pneumonia every winter since birth and, because my son uses numerous respiratory devices at home, he always goes to the TICU if he gets admitted. The months of October to April are what put me on edge every year. Plus, this year, my son contracted Pneumonia again in March and had a second ten day stay in the TICU. The first four months of this year my son has spent 22 days in the TICU for respiratory related illness. Luckily, since the last stay, we have been hospital and illness free. Thank God.

I am not your stereotypical father. I am very active and involved in my kids lives. I drive both of my kids back and forth to their private, special needs school. I drive them back and forth to their physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, horse therapy, any and all specialist doctor's appointments, and the pediatrician. I make appointments for their equipment to be adjusted and repaired when needed. I make their lunches, give them their medications (twice a day), and make their drinks which have a specialized thickening agent in every cup because they both aspirate. I work with them in their walker, assist with their PT at home, work on them with feeding themselves, and many other various learning obstacles that they need to learn to overcome.I do all of this on a daily/weekly and a normal basis. This does not even include my son's seizures or when my son gets sick.

During the winter (Oct.-Apr.), that's when the fun begins. The moment I hear my son cough as if he is getting sick the respiratory treatments start because, if I don't due to his medical condition, he WILL end up in the TICU again. So, when the coughing starts, I start the "vest" treatments, the cough assist treatments, the suctioning, and the breathing treatments. I have to use the O2 sensor and the bi-pap breathing mask at night. I even own my own stethoscope to be able to listen and identify where the congestion is to better help my son. After using all of this machinery and it still does not clear up his congestion, it's back up to the children's hospital to the ER where they know us well.

I have a vast knowledge of all of my son's hospital visits, Dr.'s visits, illnesses, hospital stays, etc. because my son (and daughter) are both non-verbal so they cannot say what is bothering them. I know about a lot about the urological and neurological issues. I know all 6 different kinds of seizures and what they look like. So far, my son has experienced two different kinds and my daughter just one kind. I know how to insert a catheter, a feeding tube, and use an enema. I know CPR, First Aid and I know how to use an AED. I have to have all of this knowledge on stand-by for those just in case moments when I have to rush him to the hospital and their have been several. I always feel like I am in "go" mode.

I say this because, since I have been a SATD (stay-at-home dad), it amazes me how people think I have all of this free time. Question? What free time? As I have stated about, I have therapies several times a week. I have schooling (when school is in session) five days a week. Normally specialists appointments all fall within the same month so I have to drive 120 miles round trip for each specialist doctor visit. When I get home, I have all of my normal home duties which include, but not limited to: cleaning the house, making meals, doing the laundry and doing all of the yard work. I even have a STRICT NAP TIME schedule. Yes, that's right, we don't miss nap time. Now some of you may say that I can take a break while they nap and here's my response to that....NO THE HELL I CAN NOT. Who are you kidding? Nap time is the only time that I can actually get any real work done and that's if they take a nap. Usually, nap time is maybe two hours if that and two hours goes by QUICK.

So, I ask again, where's my free time? It seems like most people are misguided in how my day or any stay-at-home parent's day goes. My day starts at 5:30 a.m. and does not stop until at least 8:00 p.m. every night. Then, I have to take sleeping medication to get a decent nights sleep because my mind doesn't turn off if I don't. So, the next time you think a stay-at-home parent has all of this magical free time, think again. That's in fairy tale land and I don't live on Disney property.

Well, that's my nonsense and I am sticking to it.